NOTE: To all Abused Characters, and their Authors

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  • #214488
    Annika
    Participant
      0 Pirate Gold Coins
      Wandering Author wrote:
      Am I the only one who sees plot bunnies popping out all over this thread? 😆 :woohoo:

      Nope, would be great as a humour series for some light reading or so… we should totally do that as a collaborative effort of all who are interested or something like that…

      #214386
      Weird Jim
      Participant
        0 Pirate Gold Coins
        TobeOrNotTobe wrote:
        If you have any further information or ideas on how to help these poor, poor characters, please post below.

        Poor, poor characters, indeed. They should be quiet and obey their creators. They’re lucky they’re not getting their jobs outsourced to India or China.

        Did you read about the guy who outsourced his job to China and pocketed the difference between what it cost him and what his firm was paying him? For some reason he got fired! (Plot bunny there?)

        #214525
        Gabriele Campbell
        Participant
          0 Pirate Gold Coins

          The Chinese had some nasty torture methods, too. :P

          #214535
          Ashe Elton Parker
          Moderator
            38 Pirate Gold Coins

            And if those threats don’t work, there are always the woodle-pooves.

            Ashe Elton Parker
            "Just love me, fear me, do as I say, and I will be your slave." ~ David Bowie as Jareth in Labyrinth
            ~*~
            Member since 1998.
            ~*~
            #214553
            Gabriele Campbell
            Participant
              0 Pirate Gold Coins

              Noo, not the woodle pooves, they’re worse than the comfy cushions.

              :cheer:

              #214554
              BonnieRS
              Participant
                0 Pirate Gold Coins
                #214489
                tiakall
                Participant
                  0 Pirate Gold Coins
                  Wandering Author wrote:
                  Am I the only one who sees plot bunnies popping out all over this thread? 😆 :woohoo:

                  I totally want to steal the register scene for my ‘Hall of Wandering Cameos’ plotbunny. The Hall being where all those minor characters hang out when they’re not popping up for brief scenes in various novels :silly:

                  #214708
                  CatP
                  Participant
                    0 Pirate Gold Coins

                    Go ahead, not something I’m likely to use in a story.

                    #214452
                    J.A. Marlow
                    Moderator
                      125 Pirate Gold Coins
                      CatP wrote:

                      • Why death isn’t the worst outcome

                      This one, this one! Heck, Anne is writing a dead guy MC at the moment. And then there are all the ghosts, zombies, vampires, androids, and outright dead people brought back to only be tormented again going on.

                      Death is definitely not an escape when writers are around. :P

                      (Neither is hiding in an underground city. Ask the people in my second String Weavers novel. Hah!)

                      J.A. Marlow
                      The String Weavers, Salmon Run, Redpoint One series.

                      Writer alter-ego of Dreamers Cove

                      #214867
                      Wandering Author
                      Participant
                        0 Pirate Gold Coins
                        J.A. Marlow wrote:
                        Death is definitely not an escape when writers are around. :P

                        (Neither is hiding in an underground city. Ask the people in my second String Weavers novel. Hah!)

                        Hmmm. How would characters escape – or try to escape – a writer? Plot bunny! 😆

                        #214869
                        tiakall
                        Participant
                          0 Pirate Gold Coins
                          Wandering Author wrote:
                          J.A. Marlow wrote:
                          Death is definitely not an escape when writers are around. :P

                          (Neither is hiding in an underground city. Ask the people in my second String Weavers novel. Hah!)

                          Hmmm. How would characters escape – or try to escape – a writer? Plot bunny! 😆

                          Alternately, something shiny.

                          #214387
                          TobeOrNotTobe
                          Participant
                            0 Pirate Gold Coins

                            *Watches as his snail MC get eaten by birds.*
                            So satisfying.

                            #214458
                            romanticallyfantastic
                            Participant
                              0 Pirate Gold Coins

                              I’m laughing out loud.
                              Mr. Grey- I almost wet myself!

                              My stories always have strong romantic themes- so the characters know there’s something in it for them if they just hang in there :blush:

                              #214388
                              J.A. Marlow
                              Moderator
                                125 Pirate Gold Coins

                                “Abused Character Helpline. Go ahead.”

                                “Good lord, help me!”

                                “What is it sir? How are you being abused?”

                                :Voice grows higher: “The writer decided I wouldn’t do.”

                                “Are you being replaced, Sir?”

                                :even higher: “It’s worse than that! Oh no. I think I lost some anatomy… and grew somewhere else! Help me! Help me!”

                                “Sir, what is it? I’m here to listen. If you are still in the book and not replaced with another character, what did the writer do to abuse you?”

                                “The writer changed my gender! Wait… what is that noise.”

                                “Sir?”

                                :silence:

                                “Sir?”

                                “Who are you calling sir? Wait, I know what that sound is. Wow, I grew a biological clock. Excuse me, I need to go buy a new wardrobe.”

                                :click:

                                J.A. Marlow
                                The String Weavers, Salmon Run, Redpoint One series.

                                Writer alter-ego of Dreamers Cove

                                #217691
                                MrGrey
                                Participant
                                  0 Pirate Gold Coins

                                  Peter looked to the floor in mild embarrassment. Auditioning for a part in a sci-fi novel is something that sounded great in his head; when standing in front of the author, less so.

                                  “So tell me about yourself,” the author’s voice was heard. It was a deep, masculine voice. “Why should you star as the main character in this novel?”

                                  “Well,” Peter began, rubbing the back of his head. All of the advice he had heard for what to do in a character interview had flown out of his head. Common sense was the driving force this time. “To be honest, it’s always been my dream to me the main character.”

                                  “Isn’t that for anyone?”

                                  “Well, true, but…I’d hate to sound egotistical, but…” Peter swallowed. There were other job interviews he could go to if he royally messed this one up. “I mean, you see other people who want to be the main character, but you can see they’re in it for the money and the fame. Myself, I went to University where I did a course based around being the main character, including lessons about being sparse with flashbacks and how never to kill the villain while he’s in exposition. While others merely dream, I do. I mean,” Peter said, realising just how self-focused his speech was. “I thought it would help, that’s all.”

                                  “Hmm. Very well,” the author said. “I was expecting just a character, but someone with a degree in being the main character is indeed a massive bonus. Very well, I’ll hire you for my sci-fi novel. I just need to get you name, if possible.”

                                  “Peter,” he said, smiling with excitement. “Just ‘Peter’.”

                                  “Peter? Oh no, that can’t do,” the author said. “How does ‘Patricia’ sound instead?”

                                  “What?” Patricia said, in a tone far higher than she expected. She looked down at her newly-acquired dress. “Why am I a female? What’s going on?”

                                  “Well, I’ve always wanted to write females. Never do it enough.”

                                  “Why not write a male instead? Aren’t you a male?”

                                  “Well yeah, but…at least now I can totally have the cover artist draw you in tight leather on the front cover, fighting off aliens as they claw at your quickly-diminishing attire. I mean, that’ll get people interested, right?”

                                  “I don’t think I’d like that to happen,” Patricia said. “I’d like to keep my gender if possible.”

                                  “Really? Is this going to be that much of a hassle?” The sound of someone scratching their beard. “Alright, fine. I no longer need your services. If you know anyone from Uni who had a double-D cup, let me know, okay?”

                                  “Alright,” Peter said, adjusting back to his old body. He walked out of the audition feeling a little shaken. At least there were always auditions for children’s books.

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