Lazette Gifford
Publisher & Editor


Hare Today and Plot Tomorrow:
Plot Bunny Purchase Agreement

By Valerie Comer and Erin Hartshorn
Valerie Comer and Erin Hartshorn

I agree to buy unsexed plot bunnies for a dime a dozen. I will provide shelter and forage for them, giving them every opportunity to reproduce.  Odds are good that the plot bunnies will multiply like rabbits.

I realize that I cannot return them if they are not the color or breed I prefer. Further, with the generally prolific nature of the species, it is possible that someone else may have a plot bunny that looks substantially like, or even identical to, one of the ones I have purchased; I absolve the seller of all responsibility.

Bunnies are not domesticated creatures. They will bounce around, jumping from place to place until specifically rabbited into place, and even then will wriggle as much as possible. I fully acknowledge that this will be a hare-raising experience.

Chocolate-covered plot bunnies may appear enticing. I understand a large number are hollow with no real substance and may crumble under pressure. Editors have no particular fondness for chocolate bunnies as they may melt in the slush pile. If I insist on using these, I agree to absolve the seller of responsibility.

Occasionally, a plot bunny may become cannibalistic and eat other plot bunnies in its near vicinity rather than breeding with them. I understand that this will result in a larger plot bunny that may be more useful to me in the long run, and I hold the seller not responsible for any such actions on the part of the plot bunny. Further, I absolve the seller of all duress caused by the plot bunnies.

I realize that plot and dust bunnies are not interchangeable and such substitution will dilute the quality of the final work. Plot bunnies are guaranteed not to shed hare that will become dust bunnies under my computer. Any dust bunnies that do accumulate are my own responsibility.

When left to stew for indeterminate amounts of time, plot bunnies will change consistency. I understand they may become tender, oozing to fill every hole in my story, or they may shrivel and toughen, becoming totally useless. The number of plot bunnies added to the pot does not change the outcome; I accept all results of simmering plot bunnies.

Plot bunnies may be used to fill plot holes; I understand the bunnies may multiply too rabbitly to pave over without creating a bump in the road. They may also hare away, creating moving targets such that with each hole plugged, new ones appear.

Should my plot bunnies reproduce successfully, I agree to use them solely for the purposes of creating stories, rather than going into business selling plot bunnies myself. I will not compete with the seller, neither by selling nor by giving away any excess plot bunnies I may have. I agree not to sue for a refund when I realize the abundance of wild and free plot bunnies lurking just around the corner.