Hare Today and Plot
Plot Bunny Purchase
By Valerie Comer and Erin Hartshorn
Valerie Comer and Erin Hartshorn
I agree to buy unsexed plot bunnies for a
dime a dozen. I will provide shelter and forage for them, giving them every
opportunity to reproduce. Odds are good that the plot bunnies will multiply
I realize that I cannot return them if they
are not the color or breed I prefer. Further, with the generally prolific
nature of the species, it is possible that someone else may have a plot
bunny that looks substantially like, or even identical to, one of the ones I
have purchased; I absolve the seller of all responsibility.
Bunnies are not domesticated creatures.
They will bounce around, jumping from place to place until specifically
rabbited into place, and even then will wriggle as much as possible. I fully
acknowledge that this will be a hare-raising experience.
Chocolate-covered plot bunnies may appear
enticing. I understand a large number are hollow with no real substance and
may crumble under pressure. Editors have no particular fondness for
chocolate bunnies as they may melt in the slush pile. If I insist on using
these, I agree to absolve the seller of responsibility.
Occasionally, a plot bunny may become
cannibalistic and eat other plot bunnies in its near vicinity rather than
breeding with them. I understand that this will result in a larger plot
bunny that may be more useful to me in the long run, and I hold the seller
not responsible for any such actions on the part of the plot bunny. Further,
I absolve the seller of all duress caused by the plot bunnies.
I realize that plot and dust bunnies are
not interchangeable and such substitution will dilute the quality of the
final work. Plot bunnies are guaranteed not to shed hare that will become
dust bunnies under my computer. Any dust bunnies that do accumulate are my
When left to stew for indeterminate amounts
of time, plot bunnies will change consistency. I understand they may become
tender, oozing to fill every hole in my story, or they may shrivel and
toughen, becoming totally useless. The number of plot bunnies added to the
pot does not change the outcome; I accept all results of simmering plot
Plot bunnies may be used to fill plot
holes; I understand the bunnies may multiply too rabbitly to pave over
without creating a bump in the road. They may also hare away, creating
moving targets such that with each hole plugged, new ones appear.
Should my plot bunnies reproduce
successfully, I agree to use them solely for the purposes of creating
stories, rather than going into business selling plot bunnies myself. I will
not compete with the seller, neither by selling nor by giving away any
excess plot bunnies I may have. I agree not to sue for a refund when I
realize the abundance of wild and free plot bunnies lurking just around the