Workshop: Painting a
Scene
By Lazette Gifford
© 2006,
Lazette Gifford
Part One: The Undercoat
Most often when we write the description of
a scene we use broad strokes, covering the word canvas with generalizations
that set the reader in the right frame of mind, and give them a reference
point to view the action. Sometimes that's even enough.
The rain fell relentlessly, sending
small rivulets of water down the walls of Old Town, and gathering in a
muddy slough along the curbs. The sun, nearly down, cast shadows across
the alley as Bailey stood at the edge of the building and watched for
his contact.
This is the undercoat. It gives the bare
necessity of description so that a reader would need to experience the
surroundings, but the details are limited.
Your Turn:
Go to the nearest window and look out while
you count to ten. Afterwards, return to your computer and write a single
paragraph of what you saw. Don't try for too many details. This should be
just enough to cue the reader about the basics of the scene.
Part Two: The Second Coat
If a character were walking along a street,
hurrying out of the rain, the details that I gave in the first part would
likely be enough. Giving too much detail can slow the story down, and that,
in turn, makes it feel as though the character is not hurrying. Match your
description to your mood; someone hurrying doesn't see a wealth of detail.
But in my paragraph, Bailey is waiting for
someone. In that case, he's likely to notice more detail of his
surroundings.
The rain fell relentlessly, sending
small rivulets of water down the walls of Old Town, and gathering in a
muddy slough along the curbs. The smell of wet cement mingled with the
scent of the fish fry place two doors behind him, and laughter barked
from the tavern across the street.
Bailey pulled his trench coat collar up
trying to stop the water from gathering at his neck and running down his
back. The sun, nearly down, cast shadows across the alley. Neon
lights flickered to life as he stood at the edge of the building and
anxiously watched for his contact.
This combines not only the setting, but
some information processed by Bailey -- it puts him in the scene and allows
us to look at it through his eyes.
Your Turn:
Take the scene you previously wrote and
expand on it in a way that would make it interesting to a story. You can
add a character, add buildings, fields, a river -- whatever you want to the
setting that may not be in the original scene, or you can go back to the
window and note more details that you didn't use before.
Part Three: The Details
The previous section added more details and
under some circumstances this might again be enough. However, you can still
add at least one more layer of information -- the more minute details of the
world.
The rain fell relentlessly, sending
small rivulets of water down the blue and white pealing-paint walls of
Old Town, giving the buildings a look of oozing sores. The water rushed
across the debris-strewn and cracked sidewalk, gathering in a dark,
muddy slough along the crumbling curbs. The tangy smell of wet cement
mingled with the inviting scent of the fish fry place two doors behind
him, and laughter barked from the brightly lit tavern across the
street... but no one else came out into the rain.
Bailey tugged the ragged collar of his
trench coat up, vainly trying to stop the water from gathering at his
neck and running down his back. The sun, nearly down, cast ebony
shadows across the alley. Garish neon lights flickered on in unnatural
glowing greens and crimson reds, mirrored in the moving water and
growing puddles. Bailey stepped back from the illumination and stood in
the darker shadows at the edge of the building, anxiously watching for
his contact.
In this final version I've added in details
that only someone looking closely would notice -- someone standing in a
place who has time to uses his senses, or who knows the area so well that
he's built up an accumulation of sensory data and can share it.
Your Turn:
Add one more layer of sensory information
to your scene. Don't limit it to sight and sound -- taste, smell and touch
are just as important in some scenes. In this case let your imagination
play with the setting, and even if it isn't something specifically in your
original scene, add in things that would make it more interesting.
Remember when you are painting a scene to
make the level of detail correspond to what your character has time to see.
Someone running through the dark, rainy night is apt to sense the more
jarring aspects -- the bright neon lights, the barking laughter.
Choose details with care, and always
remember that you are painting a picture for your readers, so give them the
details that will help them see what you see in your mind.
|
